jolie and pitt pig out at mcdonalds

and presumably go home to barf everything up.

the brad pitt angelina jolie jennifer aniston industry

this article appeared the day before michael jackson bit the big one (or started hiding out in his mom’s basement). it’s from the guardian newspaper and it talks about the brad pitt/angelina jolie/jennifer aniston industry. apparently these 3 have been keeping the weekly rags afloat for the past what 6 years. or how ever long ago that pitt dumped aniston to hang out with his own blood sucking bisexual vampiress. aka billy bob thornton’s ex-wife.

apparently reese whiterspoon and jake gyllenhaal (or however the world you spell his name. at the moment i’m too tired to check it in bing or google). don’t sell newspapers. neither does (surprise! surprise!) kate winslet.

but it seems as the box office numbers for the trio continue to tank (–i mean, when was the last time pitt/aniston/jolie were in a successful film?and we know quintin tarantino’s ‘inglorious basterds’ will sink the weinstein company the way ‘heaven’s gate’ sunk united artists.) they’re days as tabloid fodder are soon over. jen is now in her 40s and brad pitt is pushing 50 and angelina is almost middle-age as well. the trioka has been replaced by a much younger and plastic surgery free (so far) duo (see present cover of OK, us weekly, people, ew, and so on and so on).

vanity fair kicks the bucket

last week, the german edition of vanity fair closed. after one year of publication, the zine reportedly had been losing 250K euros per week. now the publication is officially closed. according to der spiegel, it had been dead in the water for quite a long time.

a celebrity worship magazine with re-tread articles and photos from vanity fair u.s. was never a good idea. you can’t really transport culture, although god knows americans really do try. but the u.s. is one of the few countries in the world in which assinine celebs such as paris hilton, angelina jolie, and brad pitt are celebrated but not derided. look at the uk rags. everyone hated jade goodey, reality TV show loser, until she got sick with cancer. and now she’s the queen of the media. that’s generally how it works in euro-trashland.

angelina jolie works the presss

is brangelina a master of media manipulation? this new york times article alleges that angelina jolie and brad pitt only agreed to let people magazine photograph their twins if they would promise that the accompany article and future articles in the publication would be positive.

the article also reveals that according to their findings, the jolie-pitt foundation has received infinitely more than the $2M it has distributed –even if you only take into consideration the money brangelia have received for photographs of shiloh (who angelina once famously referred to as ‘the blob’) and the twins.

angelina jolie speaks at council on foreign relations

a few days ago, angelina jolie, brad pitt’s babies mama (also known as the man who can’t open a movie), spoke at a press conference for the council on foreign relations. as she stumbled through her speech, she noted things like: ‘i’ve seen refugees,’ and ‘i’ve sat in a tent with a woman,’ and also she said ‘i have no idea.’

the journalists should’ve asked her: “do you mean ‘i’ve seen refugees’ in the way that washed up child star haley joel osment saw dead people in ‘the 6th sense’?” or “when you say you have no idea. are you also implying that you have no ideas?”

we know the u.s. is going to hell in a handbasket when actors who barely graduated from high school are asked to join think tanks.

gala clickable stars angelina jolie b-listed

gala, the german celebrity fluff magazine, has angelina jolie listed as a b-star. that’s according to online voting. 40% of users voted her to the a-list while equally 40% believe she’s a d-list star. so the average should be somewhere between a b – and c +.

angelina jolie, the woman who shamelessly opens her life up to the world when time to plug her movies, is joined on the list by other falling stars such as beyonce knowles, ryan phillipe, david duchovny and franka potente. at the time of posting, d-listers include stella mccartney and nicky hilton.

joe pantoliano shows up at republican convention

joe pantoliano, best known for his star turns in both the matrix (first and only film that mattered in the trilogy), sopranos, and christopher nolan’s genius of a film, memento, turned up at the republican national convention. as did rosario dawson. isn’t pantoliano the same guy who 4 years ago went door-to-door for john kerry in ohio? or was he actually knocking on doors for george w. bush? jon voight, who used to be known for ‘midnight cowboy’ but is now recognized for being the father of angelina jolie, could be seen in the crowd tuesday night during fred thompson’s speech.

angelina jolie gives birth to twins

is this the most boring headline ever. but now we know that they are fraternal twins. one boy one girl. i mean, this was already prematurely announced a couple of months ago. and we already knew she’s been hiding out in nice behind windows of james bond proportion. but now we know that she had to have ac-section. according to eonline, knox leon and vivienne marcheline are the names of the addition to the white side of the jolie-pitt clan.

now that she and pitt have 3 white ones, 2 asian ones, and 1 black one, do you think they will balance the kids out by adopting a latino kid? or god forbid if they were to venture into an adoption agency in the u.s. and try to adopt some african-american or latino kids. guess helping the home team isn’t that interesting to brad pitt and angelina jolie. do they suffer from a form of anti-americanism? is that why they can’t give birth to kids on u.s. soil? or are they just determined that their kids will never have the possibility to run for president of the united states?

angelina jolie checks into nice hospital, just in case

yes, this news is old. on july 2, the bbc reported that angelina jolie, checked herself and the twins into a hospital and will stay there until she gives birth to the dynamic duo. according to the report, jolie’s doctor says there’s no problem.

okay, wouldn’t we all like to think that if we were pregnant that we could at month 8.5 decide that it’s too much for me, this wobbling around and gorging on everything that moves. and what about the hormones those special hormones that turn pregnant women into monsters from hell? what if i break water while i’m at the spa getting my nails done? i’ll just check myself into a hospital for 4 weeks, so the french paparazzi can’t get the water shot or my crying in my fish soup. who cares if the whole thing might put me back 100k?

angelina jolie shows off her tits in cannes

my memories of new orleans, where angelina jolie and brad pitt have a place, consists primarily of the mardi gras festival and people screaming on the streets show us your tits. apparently, this is wedged into jolie’s subconscious. bild zeitung, a german newspaper catches a very pregnant jolie doing a bit of sunbathing in the south of france. didn’t she and brad get married a few months back and nobody noticed?

(editor note: 17 nov 2008) the original photo has been taken down from bild.de. but you can view a smaller version here.

travels with angelina jolie

did you know that angelina jolie wrote a travelogue on africa in 2003 called notes from my travels? on the cover, she is surrounded by 7 african refugees and she’s wearing a cap, so she looks more like brad pitt than angelina. no matter. if you click on ’search inside this book’ you will discover that angelina mentions the word ‘I’ at least 20 times and ‘we’ once on the first page of the book.

angelina can write, well sort of

angelina jolie has an essay in the economist’s end of the year special report–or rather, the beginning of the year special report, ‘the world in 2008.’ it’s on page 100 and boasts the headline ‘a year of accountability.’ that being the only multi-syllable word in the piece. the caption beneath her pouting picture reads: ‘angelina jolie, goodwill ambassador to the UNHCR, hopes for progress in bringing war criminals to justice.’ i would suggest adding ‘fading actress, alleged anorexic and matriarch of patchwork family.’

angelina jolie ventures into the axis of evil

article here. what exactly does a good will ambassador do? and aren’t there people working for the un who are better qualified to speak with countries that the u.s. isn’t even speaking to?

celebs earn millions from zines for photos of kids

is it ever a good idea to sell photos of your kids or so-called ‘great’ moments in your life for cash to the paparazzi and then later complain about the paparazzi? here’s a list of celebrities who have sold out to the highest bidder. according to this list, angelina jolie and brad pitt (our fave topic today) have made at least $7M hawking their lives to the press. larry birkhead made $2M selling a photo of himself and anne-nicole smith’s kid to the british rag OK.

brangelina want to quit acting move to berlin to raise their kids in the worst schools in europe

well, tom cruise is in the city filming his nazi film with director bryan singer at the helm and christina ricci and the wachowski brothers are somewhere in potsdam filmming speedracer. now it looks like brad pitt and angelina jolie are on their way to the city, but permantely. according to a uk rag, brad pitt sees his future in architecture, not acting. the newspaper also claims that angelina wants to leave acting too. and why move to berlin? well, the newspaper quotes angelina as saying ‘it’s close to france.’ well, i guess these citizens of the world know a little bit about geography. but it’s also close to poland, the czech republic, denmark, the netherlands, belgium –shall i continue?

what pitt doesn’t realise is that germany is completely controlled by guilds and unions. it’s a bit like opus dei, but without the cat-o-nine tails. if he wants to be an architect in douchland, he will have to have an architectural degree. otherwise, at the moment, since he doesn’t even have a university education, in germany, he’s barely qualified to be an interior designer.

the article also mentions that they want their children to attend school in germany. but do the jolie-pitts realize that germany has some of the worst schools in europe and berlin has some of the worst schools in the country. german students are ranked 21st in reading skills and 20th in math in a study of 31 EU countries. perhaps they’ll stick them in the private john f. kennedy school. as all the courses are taught in english. but if they go the way of the public school system, they’ll be fighting a discriminary system which is set-up in a way so that immigrant children are set-up to lose.

angelina jolie resurrects can’t let go of a mighty heart

well, it seems like this is true. the trailer for beowulf, a book i totally hated when i was forced to read it in junior high school, features a narration by a woman, whom i assume is angelina jolie, with an afro-cuban accent.

hand-me-downs for the jolie-pitt kids

are angelina jolie and brad pitt going overboard on saving the planet? according to the blog justjared, the jolie-pitt clan wear hand-me-downs. or is it just that maddox got a bit unlucky ‘cuz his parents are so busy and don’t have time to send his nanny shopping? click here and here. according to forbes, brad pitt made 35M deniro last year. so i guess he needs a bit of a raise.

angelina jolie falls off pedestal, caught by brad pitt

well, can she be caught? apparently not. at least not in america, where angelina’s Q score is nearly as bad as tom cruise’s. but at least she hasn’t bad mouthed psychotherapy and been accused of keeping her partner prisoner by Us Weekly. no. but according to the guardian america doesn’t have a love affair with angelina.

a mighty heart opened 2 weeks ago in north america on over 1300 screens and brought in a measley $3.9M. just over $800 per screen. friday’s box office total is $475K with a $352 per screen total.

asra nomani, the wall street journal journalist who, with mariane pearl, was the last person to see daniel pearl alive recently picked the film apart in an opinion piece that ran last sunday in the washington post.

gawker, the online media rag, went a step further and published what it claims to be nomani’s email to the producer (s) of the film detailing why she couldn’t be bothered to attend the premiere. you can read the gawker article here. asra believes the original intention of the book and daniel pearl have been relugated to the background as this film is really all about celebrity. she regrets having been schmoozed by brad pitt and jennifer aniston and the whole hollywood thing.

the mighty backlash that has ensued can be (possibly) attributed to, as the guardian notes “…the inevitable consequence of how Jolie and Brad Pitt have skilfully exploited the intense media interest in their lives….”

the l.a. times calls the movie A Mighty Box Office Disappointment and quotes brad gray from boxofficemojo as saying angelina jolie’s only hits have been action fare.

is white the new black?

an article published today in the vancouver weekly the georgia straight talks more indepthly about the angelina jolie/a mighty heart controversy.

angelina steals roles from black actresses

posh

it’s true. only a barrage of photographers (mostly from europe we’ll assume) showed up for the launch of posh spice’s clothing line at saks.

angelina stole halle’s film and tomkat

if you want to talk to angelina you need to sign a contract. old story. but more about her later.

according to a report in the new issue of Gala, tom cruise, (who was in berlin last week visiting the new scientology center and checking into shooting his new film valkyrie) wants the babelsberg studio to build a 300,000 euro climate regulating machine because he can’t step in front of the cameras if it’s more than 20 degrees (celcius, that is).

but we think cruise might be a little worried about his career. mission impossible was a flop. and even my accountant knows this. and cruise has 6 or 7 films in production and pre-production. which is usually a sign of fear in hollywood. just look at angelina jolie’s list. last year, she was accused of stealing roles from black actresses and women of color since she’s playing the role of an afro-cuban woman in a mighty heart. apparently halle berry was in talks to play the role until angelina decided she wanted it.

the history of cinema, being both bad and good, produced numerous bad bits in the 20th century. one of which was the racist tradition called ‘blackface’ in which white actors darkened their faces in order to look like people of african heritage. jolie has been accused of taking cinema back to the 20th century (and who wants to go back there?) with her portrayal of mariane pearl because her skin has been darkened, she wears brown contacts and her hair has been kinked out. apparently no one thinks it’s the same as deniro downing 40 or 50 donuts to be in a scorsese film. she and brad pitt (who produced the film) have been accused of both nepotism and cultural insensitivity. for people who consider themselves citizens of the world, this is nothing less than ironic.

the city of seattle’s progressive, well respected weekly newspaper recently ran an article about angelina jolie’s performance in a mighty heart putting the whole thing in the context of cinematic history.

perhaps the story of the murdered wall street journal reporter could’ve been told in a different way. it was the first kidnapping of a high-profile writer that completely played itself out on the internet. our prayers go out to bbc journalist alan johnston and his family. johnston has now been missing for over 100 days.